You've sold your house and bought a new one that's being remodeled before you can move in, and your in-laws have offered to put you up until the new abode is ready. If you prefer to stay married and make it a time of extended family bonding vs. a trip to divorce court, consider these 11 tips for "living with in-laws with ease" during your home sale transition.
1. Mother-in-Law Mantra. While it is generous of your in-laws to offer to put your family up, discuss the idea in full with your spouse ahead of time, and make the best decision for your own family together. After all, if you and your mother-in-law, (or her own adult child for that matter) have never seen eye to eye, get real. Perhaps you'd be better off spending money and saving your sanity by staying at a hotel or Bed & Breakfast inn. Even if it's family, it's okay to graciously decline the invitation.
2. Positive Parameters. If you do accept your in-laws' invitation, communicate ahead of time with your spouse and them about expectations. Touchy as some topics--like meals and bathrooms--might be, upfront communication done in a positive way can ease the situation and expectations on both ends ahead of time. And remember, the in-laws' life and daily routine is being disrupted by having your family moving in too, so be empathetic and considerate of that.
3. Kiddy Calendar. Moving is disruptive for children, (I can vouch; I lived in 8 residences by the time I was 18) but kids are also resilient, so if parents handle the transition in a positive way, they will make the move with grace. Photocopy blank calendar pages and let them put a sticker on each day as they move forward to moving into their new room. Grandma could assist for a grandchild-bonding experience. Talk up their new room and take them shopping for a new bedspread, or let them pick out their room's new paint color.
4. Deal-a-Meal. Discuss ahead of time the expectations for meals. Will your mother-in-law expect you to be home from work at 6 p.m. sharp every night to dig into her signature lasagna? If so, and you usually work until 7 p.m., work out a compromise that won't offend her cooking, yet will accommodate your own work productivity. Or perhaps your mother-in-law is a vibrantly modern woman with a software company of her own to run, vs. a grandmotherly cook-in-the-kitchen type, and expects your family to do your own cooking. Clarify ahead of time and offer to buy at least some of the food.
5. Bathroom Bliss. If your in-laws have a large house with six bathrooms, bathroom usage likely won't be an issue. But if they have a small home with only one bathroom (like my in-laws do), plan a schedule ahead of time so that everyone gets off to work and school on time, and in a good mood. And remember to do your part to clean up after yourself and your own family.
6. Dinner Date. Admit it; your love life with your spouse is going to be compromised a bit while you luxuriate at the in-laws in the bedroom down the hall from theirs. Consider asking grandma and grandpa to baby-sit one weekend during your stay so you and your spouse can enjoy a romantic dinner date. Better yet, if finances allow, reserve a room at a nice hotel, take a swim in the pool, and get a couples' massage at the hotel spa.
7. Bye Bye Bow-Wow. Fido and Fluffy will have a bit of an adjustment to make during your move too, so ask ahead of time if they will be welcome at the in-laws. Perhaps it would be better to ask a friend to take them until your house remodel is done, or if finances allow, to board them at one of the doggy hotels now available--some of which rival the Hilton.
8. Grandchildren Guidelines. If you prefer that your children not be over-indulged by grandma and grandpa during your stay so that you don't have to deal with a spoiled child upon moving into your new home, discuss the issue ahead of time with your mate. Stick to ordinary bedtime schedules, avoid too many lollipops, and ask that your stay not become "Christmas in July." The adult son or daughter should be the one to address this issue with their own parents.
9. Laundry Love. With two families co-habitating under one roof, the washer and dryer will likely never stop. Do your part to help throw in a load of towels or your own jeans. Don't expect grandma and grandpa to be your maid and butler; you can even offer to vacuum or do some yard work in exchange for a roof over your head.
10. Workaholism Works Wonders. If you've heard your mother-in-law's stories about her perfect children and all their glowing achievements one more time than you can possibly politely smile about, workaholism works wonders. Go in early and stay late. Enough said, and your bank account will thank you too.
11. Gifts of Gratitude. Humor aside, try to have an attitude of gratitude as it is generous of your in-laws to house you your during your remodel. In our transient society, many people must stay in a dreary hotel, so consider yourself blessed to have family in town, and remember to buy them a "gratitude gift" upon your departure.
By planning ahead, keeping good communication, and having some plain old love for extended family, you'll be able to live with them with ease while your home is being remodeled, and soon you'll be having a lovely dinner with your own family in your beautiful new home.
Copyright 2008 Kathryn Bechen & Kathryn Bechen Ink. All rights reserved worldwide.
Kathryn Bechen is a professional freelance home and garden writer and the author of the e-book Moving With Ease: The 8 Week Plan for a Stress Free Move Whether You Hire a Mover or Do It Yourself which can be purchased at http://www.KathrynBechenInk.com
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